Overcoming Fear project: an update by Becky

At the start of the Lent period this year, I began a project with Hope in Zion centred on the idea of overcoming fear.

I had been suffering from anxiety and whilst this was and is a really tough time for me, I have been learning a lot from the experience. I hope that to share not only what I have learnt, but also the wisdom of a number of other people who have been no strangers to fear, will be of real value and support to those currently in the grips of anxiety or stress. I hope that it will also be of value to others though, because it seems all of our minds have a hard time of grasping the truth that fear really is a liar.

So far, we have heard from Barry, Chris, Lizzie and Molly. The wisdom gleaned from these four has been different yet equally valuable.

Barry spoke of how his training in the army taught him to take a rational, prepared and practical approach to tasks that could be fear inducing. He also spoke of how support from others is key in managing stress. He himself keeps low stress levels by keeping things in perspective and appreciating all the good he has around him.

Chris told us of his strongly held belief that we are made for community and thus interdependence enables us to manage anxiety and stress. He also told us how despite the mistakes the Church has made, his own faith and trust in God has been what holds him together so well in tough times.

Lizzie bravely spoke of how fear kept her from being the person she was created to be. Yet through accepting who she really is and being vulnerable with that with friends and family has allowed her to conquer her fears and be victorious over them.

Finally Molly told us how she has overcome much of her depression and anxiety that has troubled her for years through focusing her mind and time on something; for her this has been horse-riding and equine care. This enabled her to gain confidence, form good relationships with people and focus on the positives in her life.

After interviewing these four very different people, it is evident to me that a common feature of those who are successfully conquering fear, is that they took the step to accept the support and friendship of others. Obviously this hasn't been easy; take Lizzie’s fear of rejection of who she really is, yet when this step is taken, it seems fear is conquered. In my own experience I have found that fear thrives when it is safely hidden inside our own minds. Here it is away from the light; hidden away in deceptive darkness. The truth is that fear is a liar, and when our fears are brought out into the open in front of others, fear’s very realistic façade begins to fade away.

We still have plenty of interviewees left, who will be telling us in the coming weeks up until Easter of how they have conquered their own fears. They will be giving us tips and advice on how we can do the same.

I am honoured that these people have been so open and honest with me. It really is true that strength is found where there is vulnerability and integrity. Strength does not mean being free of struggle and there is absolutely no weakness in encountering adversity. It is easy to victimise ourselves in dark times, but as these people have demonstrated there is no victory in victimisation! Instead they have chosen to keep faith, hold on to hope and accept the support of other people.

I hope you enjoy the rest of the interviews and keep conquering fear!

If you have any wisdom you wish to share in regards to overcoming fear, please do get in touch as we’d love to hear from you: edenart@outlook.com.

Overcoming Fear 4: Interview with Molly Hallett

Q1: As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety in the past, what fears did you have to deal with?

A: The fears that I especially had to deal with were during my early teen years, as I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression at the age of 14. They were being misunderstood and judged especially in Secondary School and in public spaces. This led me to leave School and begin self-studying at home and to miss out on socialising with people of my age. I gained weight and became very self-conscious with my appearance and being around people. I also gained a lot of horrible thoughts saying that I wasn’t good enough for this world or anyone and I had to listen to them on a daily basis.

Q2: How have you overcome these fears?

A: I overcame them in many ways, firstly by attending an Equine College and focusing my mind on increasing my knowledge of the care of horses, and I gained a friendship group. Secondly I started taking Horse riding lessons every week and gained confidence, lost weight and better control of my mind. My family have helped me a lot through the bad times and I can’t thank them enough.

Q3: Has studying Psychology changed the way you view anxiety?

A: Psychology is an amazing and complex subject and I would recommend anyone to study it. It has made me realize there are many different approaches and causes of anxiety for each individual and it has taught me many ways to deal with it. It’s not as simple as just worrying about something.

Q4: What tips would you give to someone struggling with depression and anxiety?

A: Always tell someone that you can go to for support or even to talk to. Find something you are interested in and put your whole mind to it, as it does help you in the long term. Use professional services to help you on the way in your journey of overcoming it. Always make a note of the positives that you have in your life, as life isn’t just about negatives.

Overcoming Fear 3: Interview with Lizzie King

Q1: What effects has fear had in your life?

A: Fear has stopped me from doing things that potentially would have been amazing experiences. Fear has stopped me from being who I was made to be and who I know that I am. Fear made me create another person to hide the real in deep inside. Fear made me feel alone, scared, torn, wrong and alienated.

Q2: How have you overcome these fears?

A: The day I looked in the mirror and saw the real me,that was the day, I overcame my biggest fear. I put all my trust in my friends and family to accept who I am. It was the right and best decision.

Q3: As a musician, how do you remain calm in nerve wracking situations?

A: As a musician, I get to express myself in a way that I feel most comfortable. I get nervous but as soon as I strum the first note on my guitar, or sing the first word and I see people engaging- they're letting me know, I've been accepted. All the fear and nerves just rush away. 

Overcoming Fear 2: Interview with Chris Painter.

Q1: You keep a really upbeat energy about you, despite having been through a fair bit of stress, what’s your secret?

A: I guess my secret to stress relief and staying calm in the face of adversity is to focus on as much good as I can in my life, relying on my friends and family and physically removing myself from as much of the stressful stuff as I can. Work can be a real stress for me because of many things, not least of which is my sexuality. The way I deal with this is by keeping friends close and removing myself from the village during my free time and filling my life with as many positive thoughts and memories made as I can. In this way the stress seems to dissipate and I can face the issues as they arise at work or elsewhere by tackling them when and where I can. I think it is also important to be realistic about what you can and can't do. My father for instance is very unwell and has been for some time and I fear for his health and how long he will be around. This is a constant stress on my life but I know I can do nothing to improve his health but I can be there for him and talk on the phone and fill whatever time we have with as much good stuff as possible, focusing on the progress he makes, however small. I don't believe we are designed as humans to live in isolation, we are designed for community; to help one another and this I guess is my secret, to let other people whom I trust into my life to help me when I am down.

Q2: How has your faith helped you stay strong?

A: My faith has kept me strong but I feel the 'church' has really damaged me if I am honest. Many times when I try to talk to church people about my stress they quote verses at me about not being troubled and Gods got it covered etc which really doesn't help, I want you to love me and support me, not to proselytise at me you know. My faith however remains strong and it is comforting to pray and meet with my Christian family. I know that God has it covered and I know that in the end it will be ok and I know that God truly does care for me, I just guess sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the fear. Without my faith I know I wouldn't be coping at all right now and I am thankful to God for every piece of progress and every day that passes and really take joy in successes, be that at work or elsewhere.

Q3: As a youth worker how do you go about helping young people struggling with anxiety?

A: As a youth worker I feel it is so important to be real with young people and to be honest and as open as possible with them about the struggles in your own life. It is so easy for young people to put youth workers on a perfect pedestal and forget that we are human too and have real struggles in our own lives. I do whatever I can on a one to one basis to help give perspective to problems and help young people create action plans over how to overcome their stress, be it exam related, partner problems or whatever else, there is always a way forward and sometimes it's about finding the next step and not worrying about the end goal but getting up and making the first step.

Honesty is Integrity

Two things have regularly held me back in life: my mental health and my reluctance to be honest about it.

I have suffered with an eating disorder, depression and more recently; anxiety, but more prominently, more obstructively, I have suffered with shame.

Shame is the feeling of humiliation for something you have done or something about you that you perceive to be wrong. Shame can be an appropriate and even helpful emotion in certain circumstances. If you’ve hurt someone, for instance, shame might allow you to make amends with that person and to make the decision not to do it again. But when shame is directed incorrectly it can have extremely destructive effects on our inner self.

When, at 15 years old and with a dangerously starved frame I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, the news came as a shock, despite the clearly evident verdict. The shock was then followed by a wave of guilt and shame: how could I have done this to myself? To those close to me? I snapped into a determination to rid myself of this illness, a kind of determination that disregarded any real acknowledgement of the problem. Denial is a very powerful emotion; it is a survival tactic but one that is highly counter-productive in the long run.

Later, when at 19 and at my wits end after months of tumbling deeper and deeper into a dark abyss of tormenting depression, I went along to the doctors, I felt deeply ashamed. I felt as though I were confessing a heartless crime to a police officer rather than admitting to a professional that I was struggling with an illness. I felt weak; who does this I thought? Who can’t cope with life and their own mind to this extent?

When I found Jesus around this time, he began first by instilling the most life giving, colossal wave of hope and then by stripping me of my crippling guilt. Holding out his arms he welcomed me as his child; blemish free. My shame began to lift like a heavy, grey cloud breaking into sunlight.

This change has been enormous, but I still live in this world. I still live in this world where to struggle with mental health issues is seen on the most part as weakness. I also still have prejudices within myself and against myself. I have found it’s often easy to look at someone else’s struggle with their mental health with sympathy and with admiration at how they cope. It’s easy to feel that they somehow seem more worthy of suffering. Perhaps they have a rare and extreme diagnosis; perhaps they’ve seen worse things than me. And so, like many, many others, I have often strived to keep my mental health struggles quiet.

But the reality is that I suffer nonetheless. No matter how many times I tell myself ‘be strong, you never know who you’re inspiring’ (brilliant advice in the right situation), I am still left struggling with a mental health that is far from perfect. The difference between keeping it quiet and denying it or being open and honest about it, is that you are suffering alone, instead of living authentically. Because really, shame surrounding mental illness is a lie. And being open with other people doesn’t turn you into some raving madman. Instead it allows you to see that mental health issues are extremely common and that you are not alone. It shows you that there are things that can help, and that you have just as much right to look for help for say, chronic asthma, as you would mental health issues.

God has brought me a huge, and I mean really monumental way from where I was, but my journey with mental health hasn’t ended. I am not entirely rid of my depression, but I have the certainty of hope that carries me through. And through my recent acquaintance with anxiety I have learnt that it is a part of life that we might suffer with mental illness, just as we might physical illness. We are not bulletproof after all, we are human and life is tough sometimes. I have learnt that accepting support off others is a huge step in terms of treatment and healing.

Now is the time to not be ashamed, because there is huge bravery in openness and there is incomparable strength to be found in interdependence with others.