Our desire for Intimacy

Having suffered from an eating disorder for many years, I now recognise a longing I had for an intimate relationship with something. A private exchange that was only for me to see. Whether it be secretly throwing away food, extreme exercising in private or consuming vast amounts of food and hiding the evidence- it was horrific, but it satisfied, temporarily, an unacknowledged desire for an inner relationship with something. 

Of course there are many other ways people try and satisfy this longing. Self-harm, living promiscuously, drug-taking, alcoholism, affairs, compulsive lying. It's a way of continuing a secretive relationship with something and it's a means of satisfying that deep longing we have for intimacy with something. 

But that desire is never really fulfilled, we are left wanting more and ultimately feeling more empty. 

The thing is, that innate desire is there for one purpose only. There's only one thing that will fulfil that longing because that longing was created for this one thing only.

'I'm the bread of life, whoever comes to me will never feel hungry again'

Really? You can satisfy my empty heart?

When I came to him I was out of options. Nothing would work, really work, to take away the emptiness inside. He was a last ditch attempt and my expectations of him were pretty non-existent. 

But as I started to call out to him he lifted me up into a whole new life, a whole new dimension of living. My whole body was filled. It was like I'd just eaten the best meal ever. But that feeling doesn't go away. Not that faith is easy - it's really really not and sometimes you feel low and spent, but all you need to do is come back before God to realise all you need is him to satisfy the void in your soul.

And finally, I'd found the real answer for my desire for intimacy. An intimate, beautiful and completely unique relationship with Jesus. 

So that's what I needed all along. 

So when I'm slipping into using other things to fill that space inside of me again, I get that reminder - 'whoever comes to me will never go hungry'.