Dependency as an independent.

Recently, I've been under the grasps of my worst enemy – stress. I don’t deal with it well. I am calm, I am slow-paced. I flag under the influence of stress.

There are two reactions to this that I am capable of as a human being. In my recent buckle I have taken to the easier, more habitual of the two. In a subconscious attempt at temporarily relieving myself of worry and pressure I have fallen back into old, destructive habits. Of course in reality the effect of this is to intensify my anxiety and leave me, frankly, in a mess.

It’s taken this glitch to remind myself of the truth that a second option exists:

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest”.

A simple, life-saving promise.

No more desperate chasing of substances, objects or even people to depend upon. No more suffering under their damaging effects. No more being left feeling emptier than before.

‘Cast your cares on me and I will sustain you’.

I used to believe that to depend on God was frightening, risky even. Yet we happily hang upon alcohol, narcotics, food, imperfect human beings… to rid us of our anxiety. I guess it’s not such a risk to try to depend on something that promises us what we so desperately crave – rest, refuge.

I have found only complete dependency on God can work to sustain, restore and rescue me from whatever impossible situation I find myself helplessly placed in.

Although I know I am flawed and it will take time for me to always turn to Him, I know that when I do, I am utterly carried.

In some ways I am glad of my inability to deal with large amounts of stress by myself; my incapacity to simply carry on whilst inside my heart is withered. I am reminded I am not made to achieve the impossible by myself, but to be sustained and carried by my rescuer.